down
I've been down all weekend.
Karl Rove, while possibly angry at Wilson is not a criminal. I'm tired of politics. Bush haters can go to hell. Don't get too excited Clinton haters, you're there too as far as I'm concerned. One should dearly hold their political views, but should share their view, not hate the opposing view.
But that's not why I'm down. Work has been quite difficult. I love my job (really. Do you know anyone else who does?) but it's been a bit taxing lately. I'm working on a project that should take up all my time because the company's very survival hinges on it's success, but I have a few personal circumstances that are diverting my energy (which should be the case, but I'm feeling guilty none the less).
Wife is in extreme pain. We are near the end of our road to a (relatively) normal life but the pain continues to get worse and I can do nothing. My favorite person in the entire world can barely function and I cannot help. I console, rub, nod, whisper "I love you"'s, listen, yet there is this invisible beast attacking her every moment of every day. I can't fight it. I can't help her. I am useless. I fight anger every day. Yet I have nothing to be angry at. How can you be angry at your best friends pain. The anger will be taken as directed at your best friend. So the anger gets swallowed. It's tough going down, but after awhile you get used to it. Sometimes you don't even realize you are swallowing. But other times, the anger rushes up uncontrollably. The anger cannot be even directed at that point. Anything in it's path gets inflicted with it's full wrath. Then .... Sorrow. Because now, not only is your best friend in pain but now her feelings are hurt. And her anger at her pain is let loose, but her anger has a direction. Me. (and deservedly so as much as I hate to admit it). And ugliness ensues.
A procedure is scheduled that is supposed to decrease the pain. 50% is the goal. I think the doctors say that to reduce the hopefulness, but 50% less pain makes my best friend able to cope at least. And coping is better than not coping. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But the tunnel is so long.
When this is over I might have to change my blog name to "My Random Rollicks". That would be nice.
Karl Rove, while possibly angry at Wilson is not a criminal. I'm tired of politics. Bush haters can go to hell. Don't get too excited Clinton haters, you're there too as far as I'm concerned. One should dearly hold their political views, but should share their view, not hate the opposing view.
But that's not why I'm down. Work has been quite difficult. I love my job (really. Do you know anyone else who does?) but it's been a bit taxing lately. I'm working on a project that should take up all my time because the company's very survival hinges on it's success, but I have a few personal circumstances that are diverting my energy (which should be the case, but I'm feeling guilty none the less).
Wife is in extreme pain. We are near the end of our road to a (relatively) normal life but the pain continues to get worse and I can do nothing. My favorite person in the entire world can barely function and I cannot help. I console, rub, nod, whisper "I love you"'s, listen, yet there is this invisible beast attacking her every moment of every day. I can't fight it. I can't help her. I am useless. I fight anger every day. Yet I have nothing to be angry at. How can you be angry at your best friends pain. The anger will be taken as directed at your best friend. So the anger gets swallowed. It's tough going down, but after awhile you get used to it. Sometimes you don't even realize you are swallowing. But other times, the anger rushes up uncontrollably. The anger cannot be even directed at that point. Anything in it's path gets inflicted with it's full wrath. Then .... Sorrow. Because now, not only is your best friend in pain but now her feelings are hurt. And her anger at her pain is let loose, but her anger has a direction. Me. (and deservedly so as much as I hate to admit it). And ugliness ensues.
A procedure is scheduled that is supposed to decrease the pain. 50% is the goal. I think the doctors say that to reduce the hopefulness, but 50% less pain makes my best friend able to cope at least. And coping is better than not coping. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. But the tunnel is so long.
When this is over I might have to change my blog name to "My Random Rollicks". That would be nice.
posted by Skip at 7/18/2005 09:09:00 PM
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